The Pyramid of Life

I just can't let you reach the treshold of having that hammer to crash that pyramid - My father.

Sry I haven update for so long... do this do that... = no time. =X

All of you now, 13-year-olds, Secondary school already, fully aware that disciplien is stricter, type of friends are different. And your school is 1hr away. So then, when you reach home, you have that one word in your brain called tired. Yes, tired. Then you go straight to your room. Then you try to do ur one thing called sleep.

So here it goes, your parents then wonder what is wrong with you. Why you seem so anti-social. Then your parents try to find out out of good intentions, but you treat it as a Kaypo case. And you develop that evil seed of rebellion. it isa constant, but silent war against you and your parents. But now, let me explain the thign your parents have tried to provide you. Its one pyramid.

The pyramid, at the base of the pyramid, every parent tries to achieve, is your basic necessities for you to live. Food, Shelter, Air, etc. This are compeltely essential, for if it were deprived, it can cause death.

Then the other level is your safety, security needs. More likely to be found in children for they liek to feel safe. This is such as living at places away from threats, having education, knowing dangers etc.

Then some parents stop at this level. Even at this level, the child can become a problem, the child would feel "separated" from his/her parens. This is, The Belonging, psychological needs. Love, and the like.

Then we have the Ego, self-esteem needs. This particularly focuses on praise, encouragement. And moral courage. With moral courage, the child woudl know what is right and wrong.

At the top, is self-actualisation. This is the tip. This is where it loudly roars, reality. Before people can actually rise to this tip, then whole pyramid must be complete. the whole mindset must be concluded. The moral courage, the safety needs.

So above, was what your parents tried to do so. then it is up to you, to make sure this pyramid stays in yur head. This pyramid is integral in your life. So with this pyramid, you live through your childhood, by the end of your childhood, you have this pyramid fr you to move on efficiently. They lvoe you, they give you all your needs to live. this pyramid can give you direction. And this pyramid is a solid one. A solid, GLASS one. yet again, it can shatter. If it stays strong and intact thjrough your life, your life would be a happy one. Qualities like appreciation, respect, integrity form the substance of this pyramid.

But as I said, it is a glass pyramid. If you get the wrong idea about being 13-yar-olds. Thinking oyu all are really adults already. Thinking you can disregard your parents just like that. And you all loosely call this privacy. But you and your parents are not aware. With privacy you might move on to deeds so bad, so unthinkable. Over-privacy, is a hammer. Every time you go beyond your [rivacy boundary, you get this hammer, you whack your pyramid. It is a strong,glass one. But even the strongest of things can wear and break. As you whack, it cracks. If you realise this, if you can stop. You allow the glass pyramid to reform. But if you keep on stwppign over the boundary, the pyramid would soon crumble. Your guide is lost. you turn astray. You lose yor moral courage and values, you lose your ego, you lose your sense of reality. Once it crumbles, Its hard to fix it back, for the crumbling of this pyramid tosses you to a path you don't even know. A dark path.The only thing you might have left is that basic needs. But once you reach adulthood with this crumbled pyramid. Nobody knows what you would become, but i assure you, most of them would predict what you would become. That lost fool in the face of the Earth so big.

So Im telling you, whatever you do, don't cross the boundary. Don't take that hammer. Don;t shatter the pyramid. Its not the pyramid dangling by you. Its the other way around.

Got respect? No? get a life.

Earn respect, don't force it.

Oh yes, I'm telling you I couldn't agree better. Just one line made me think for so long. Respect, should it be earned or forced? but in this world, unfair cases are going to be real common so, you would expect respect being forced out of you. But still, don't go running around scolding vulgarities at your teacher and then saying to your principal, "But cher, I read this blog ar, by man ar, called purpose of life ar, he say respect earn wan, cannot be forced wan!"

That albert einstein would be whacked for sure. And he deserves it. Yes. There are these fine lines between, authority, elderly and respect. Among friends or strangers or political figures, maybe respect they have to earn from you. but you in turn must show them a little respect yourself. before you know anyone, consider them your equal, or better people if you would have it. and your teachers, if it has t be forced out of you, at least show your respect externally. Show, just show that you have respect. And manner. Maybe in your heart you can be cursing this teacher to the abyss but nooooo, you will still continue to say, yes ma'am like a good little boy/girl. Elderly. What has the old guy done to you? If nothing, don't matter, if he asks you to do something, just do for the sake of ease. You would not want to pick a fight with an old man who can drone on and on. I've really had experiences with the elderly. I was happily minding my own business when I kicked the ball, flew at our blind spot and sort of hit a little boy. It was soft, so lets not worry ok? It was just a flying punchet ball. Then before the kid even started crying because he fell down, the granny was coming down on me... Oh, I was standing at one spot saying sorry auntie like a mad boy. she can't seem to accept a sincere apology. i did not give a thought about the granny but more to the boy. he wasn't that hurt, so its rather okay.

But lo and behold! There are still a very very very very small minority of people that i definitelu wouldn't mind giving a piece of your mind to. For example, TOTALLY snoobish, arrogant people who think the whole face of the earth belongs to them. I was so pi**ed off with this incident that I actually cursed that guy. never to forgive him till now. Let me explain another of my grandfather story:

I was real tired, heavy bag, buckling legs, I just finished a chat with my friend, the traffic light, and all i wanted to do now was sit down and rest at my favourite sofa, but no, today did not seem to be my lucky day. Intercom was spoiled so I had to wait for someone to open the door, I waited, until a resident was going to go in. But before that guy went in, let me describe him, fat, flabby, wrinkled face, gelled hair, gold chain around the neck, and before he tapped, his first response to me, rather rudely was, "what do you want?" And while he said this, I could swear, he raised his nose sligtly but had to bring it back down so he could meet my eyes. Then all I said, was, real politely, that I wanted to go in, he said why? which totally dumb idiot asks me, who has been the cause of about or more than 3 letters going to the residents about the mishaps in Modena, made possibly the most trouble with my little clique here, and he asks me why I wanted to go in. From just that one simple question I knew he was a noob in Modena. new resident who reads letters about guard stringency towards visitors and decides to put his foot in to help. Much to my misery. Why? I want to go back home, home you pathetic fool, home, to rest, never had it crossed my mind that such a person could ever be found in the little Modena community full of complaining residents. Then we had a little argument outside the gate when finally the kind guard decided to open the gate. how nice of him. How rude of the fat guy. if he dare to try and stop me from going into my own house he's gonna get it.

So this kind of people, deserve no respect. Yes. people like this deserve no respect. But look carefully again at the anecdote, and you would realise I was still polite to the horrible monster during the argument. Polite. Sometimes you must know that eventually once he knows you are resident that guy will paiseh. I was even, so glad of myself, fast enough during the argumentto create a Plan B fro myself. Wanna hear?

Scenario: The monster won't let me in and he goes in by himself. stopping me from entering.
Action: Tell the guard I want to register as visitor. the guard canno refuse, if he does, thats the end of him too. A guard rejecting a visitor. you know how hard a resident will come down on him? Then i will go in say hi to the fat uncle and walk off. if that guy try to chase me i don't know what to say. just that he is a pathetic despo.

So in this kind of situations, respect can't be earned. You have to maintain high EQ to gain respect. Know what people like and what people don't like. It would make your life real easy. You know how valuable respect is? People will die for it you know. the Dutch attacked India for their spices because it would make their food life much better. The Allied fought the Axis to prevent oppresion and tyranny. That would make people's life much easier. And people fight wars to gain respect. See? Even in top secret-societies. People kill people just to gain that bit of respect, tat respect that would make his life easier in the gang. People hunt for respect of their bosses, playing nice, just so that their life would be much easier. If someone doesn't respect you, you can't control him, at all. if he respects you as a good leader, he might even follow you to whatever odds.

So as you can see here, respect is involved in every individual's life. Every. You and me, respect affects us all. Respect from the right people is worth more than gold. Everybody starts respecting each other by a certain extent. As you all get to know better, its either you earn it or lose it. And earning it BACK is not easy at all.

Sincerely,
Ismail (ibz_93)


P.S; Im really sorry MC i couldnt talk to you, you disappeared suddenly, much to my dismay. Sorry I haven't update blog so long, was busy... btw feel free to leave a msg at 90665527 if u want to... Good day. ;)

1st dae, first time. first taste

Never ask but, but and, the word but crushes ideas and creativity.

Ah, I took a ride to Xinmin and walked in the school. I walked in, and of this I blame myself, with a strangely unconfident feel. I walked in, sat down at the well designed canteen, rather hip. Haha. So while I was just resting my eyes another Senior suddenly stopped by me. I could tell from his pants. He said hello, I replied. then he asked where are you from? i said changkat. Then he asked e what country i was from...

Then I was fitted into the class. I observed the prinicipal's first words. Not among one of them was , "Are you HAPPY to be back." As you can see ,in Secondary school, people tend to be a bit bolder because there are like a few higher levels of hormonal teenagers. So the expected reply could be, "no." Just that one word can actually crush confidence. unless you are an emcee, you can motivate.

So she talked about the past awards we've been getting, the progress the school has made. And the discipline talk by our DM. How fierce he looked. He had the turban and the beard and the moustache. he threatened us about the hair. Long hair, punk hair. one day to cut or he is cuttign it himself. Not a nice sight I imagine. The prinicipal also gave the inspiration talk to do well. The DM went on to talk about attire. i noticed they were pretty stringent. Nowadays i always check if my shirt is tucked out. To avoid the DM's wrath.

then i went over to the class, first thing we did, clean it up a bit. then the icebreaker games. I had an enthusiastic SL. (Student leader) While playing the icebreaker games i took the chance to look around at my classmates. I saw people who might possibly not be jokers, some that MIGHT be. Some that don't look like gamers, some that do. But one thing, many had another mate from the same school (What a pain.)

After the games we went for recess. I made my own little tour as I didn't see any more 1o1 eating. so i made my tour. I walked round the school and then to the hall. There I assembled. We had the discipline talk, a very thorough one, the Dm, Mr Singh, made the talk in a police uniform.

"No, I am not in MPCC, there are police walking around the school to make sure you don't do anything against the law, and you are looking at one of that right now."

After his speech we talked about CIP and the like. After that lunch.

Then when we came back we took a tour around the school. After that we learned about Xinmin mornign assemblies. the creed is to be read everyday and the chool song (in chinese) every monday.

Overall, it is a good school, well designed, focuses on values alot. But alas, i still have many months to go. So i doubt I'd have TOO much problem on making friends, lest i do. Cos i still will be divided into groups. So...goodbye.

Ismail. (ibz_93)

principles of life

-when your children leave home, write them a letter and tell them THREE things they should always remember.

have you ever wondered, next year you'd be thirteen. You'd walk in a school, not knowing close to anyone. 1 year will pass, and people are saying you will experience going home at late evenings with remedials and cca. You'll meet people wo try to emulate what other sec school students are doing, hanging out, rebelling. You come home, exhausted, ur parents might ask, "how's school?" And you strangely find yourself being monosyllable.
"made any friends?"
"A few"
"What you learn?"
"Stuff"
"Like what?"
"I don't know, stuff"
'Cmon, you can name some right?"
"ya ok, maths."

i think the parents would have given up. just make sure this doesnt go on 365 tmes a day. As I was saying, when we enter sec school, everybody must think what other sec school students think, im already a teen must think teen. that is... trying to be "cool", Forming an identity. So from all this we hang out.... walk down that new path called teen. And we are exposed to the "hanging out" door. Most likely, most of us would enter under peer pressure, or because you already have been doing it. Neway... i nthis matter... i just started to....i dont know why... biut reflect. What are my principles. Do i have any? Lets see... but i do stick to some...

justice... (im not a hero, its just that the way i do justice is in a bad way... its called revenge.)
loyalty...
No backstabbing
Refrain from breaking rules of religion...

About there, I havent really reflected much. But there also rules.

Follow religion
No drugs,
No Zina

Through this, maybe i could lead a pretty straight life. But the bad things...

honesty...I dont know why, some lies i could form n seconds, a whole web in a few minutes. But i do try to keep it most of the time. And i only lie when it concerns my skin. like... if im gonna get bashed.

I can be a little too sarcastic. What a problem. While in my path to seek justice, I have revenge. Revenge is the seed of evil. evil breeds other things...like sarcasm.

Something to that effect. Well, if there's also another thing which I like to maintain. its family bond. Some of you say, "D*mn, i have to go out with my parents," they make it sound like chewing garlic for breakfast, but some people mean,they care enoguh about me to bring me aong." Some people say, i want to stay in school/work. But has anyone been heard to say on their deathbed, "i wish I had spent more time at the office". So treasure them while you can. You're still young. And you're only young once.

So alas, here i end the reflection... I'd liek to wish all of you gd luck....in how you lead that life that will also affect the wy you live the next part of your life. Goodbye.

Sincerely,
Ismail

A Company survivng for a week...

We should star in lost I tell you... A small pack of 20 people of whom have not much of a vision (including me)... Lost in the business in only changkat i tell you... to add on the tension, we chuck in a competitor... CEO 2... Each company wants to beat the other. It was like trying to maintain the Great wall of 6A's division... But of course la, the friendly people add some holes in the wall so can speak to the other company.

"We need to brainstorm about possible products" CEO said...

"..." Rest of the company.

i mean like... No vision, no idea what would be the perfect product to sell, which might cater to these few components:
Creativity
Feasibility
Popularity among customers
Purpose

i think our main product classifies under only one... And just one doesnt sell does it?? teh whole process was likea deteriorating virus... Let me explain...

the early stage, lets see, first thing CEO did, assign people into groups.
we were like a healthy person, head, limbs, everything. Motivation was high, The desire to win was strong, expectations were high, Energy was optimal. We were discussing, full of enthusiasm about the product we planned to sell. Till we eventually got mental blocks. No, there is a difference between an innovative person, a creative person, and a joker. A joker doesnt necessarily need to be creative. he just loves to make people laugh. often this group of people are slapsticks... not creative jokers. So i dont necessarily need to be creative.

So... we conducted surveys to find out what kind of stuff the people like. They like creative items, colorful items, and fun. How to combine these three stuff together? We just didnt know. So nobody was able to generate ideas accepted by the whole company... till we came to a desperate decision... We just agreed on kandlez and bubbles.

At this point, mosquito bites were forming on our skin, sweat was trickling down, all chanting, "will it sell? will it sell? is it creative enough? Is it good enough to win?" All these affected the different limbs. Some tried to go against this idea, but... the idea killers (the rest of the company0 always defeated this perspective with one statement that puts people off." So what to sell?" The person fighting cant think of anything better to sell... Truthfully, we werent even sure if our products would sell. Then in the middle of the planning stage... teacher suggested merging. So, CEO 2 asked CEO if we wanted to merge. CEO asked us, we denied. I was finding the pressure exciting. i mean like, i wouldnt be spurred if I knew I could just depend on the whoel class to cover my weaknesses. So, the body is getting itchy and tense.

So we had to move on to the production stage. Our motivation was slightly falling. We assembled t create the kandlez. Wow... exciting indeed. So it lasted through about 4 hours. In the end, the body as wearyand needed a rest. Then... to add on the decrease of motivation. some kandlez turned out "retarded". Oh great... We couldnt get the wax out of the mould, the wick was on the wrong side. but no, our body was strong enough not to give up. Nobody loses without a good fight. Now the mosquito bites turned into rashes, our whole t-shirt was wet with sweat. Our motivation was just waiting for its oppurtunity to jump out of the window. All of us went home, having this at the back of our heads "what to do"?

now we were inthe middle of the timeline between the production stage and the fair itself. We had to find out a way to resolve our kandle problem. So, we just wrapped them in wrap paper so it looks nice and carved out the deformed shapes. It looks a little bit more decent now. then, we saw CEO 2's money hungry machine. Oh great, badges. Seeing the pre-sales of their badges, I could definitely see the motivation slowly falling. Our determination to win seemed like a hope to them. The body was getting tired. the rest made whatever preparations left needed to enter the battlefield. its called EF.

The following day, our body had walked 999 miles. There was that final mile. i knew the body had made that single step to start, and it WILL end it, with satisfaction. I was willing to dress as a mummy to help this body walk towards the end. (of course I'd do it anytime,) i could see teachers guiding, people shouting, people planning, it was like we were all getting our weapons all tuned up. Clock was ticking towards 8. People were gettign tense. MNS and sales people were
all readying themselves, ready to devote that remaining ounces of energy at one last shot.

Then they came,

At that moment where the first class walked in, the climax started. My mummy suit was fragile indeed, and was it that scary? Some people I tried to scare away towards my stall, risking a few pieces of tissue. Only to have them whisked away after seeing the stalls that we had to pass first. After a short while, I had escorts, these people came to try and scrutinise my suit, that was tearing apart. So once these people came to look, my travelling escorts try and sell them our products. Must also aim for the stalls that got big crowd. The crowd control system is inefficient, so once I pass these stalls, people look at me in shock. Then my escorts take advantage of this short window. I doubt the salespeople actually noticed we were trying to steal their customers. Every fifteen minutes, I took the responsibility of cleaning up the mess of which 3/4 I was responsible for. After abt 1 1/2 hrs, my suit was totally ripped. I stripped it off and just decided to weat the shades thing. It helps keep their attention span on me for that few crucial seconds. The method of distration. At about 10+ am, Our whole stock was sold out. So what did the people of CCC at the stall do?

...
...
Look left.

I didnt know what to say, the demand and supply part we failed. We should have increased the price... So what did we see when we looked left? CEO 2 having people coming in in droves. I looked at their supply of badges, woah, packets i tell you. Looks like our progress is halted till the next restock comes. So I, having a huge chunk of my energy gone, just lay there, recuperating. So most of the time I was looking left. I saw Ewan sitting somewhere. I saw CEO2 shouting out her products. Oh cool. So at 11+, our next stock came.

2nd wave...
First people came in, MNS was already half-tired, we still tried to attract. i looked at our tubes, ok, should be enough. The younger kids were easier to be persuaded for their money. i was certain our stock would last till like 2+. And guess what, 1.40, whole stock gone. We were stuck there useless. So now I had to promote our games that werent selling. Go around asking, asking asking. The lower primaries were very stubborn when it comes to games, they prefer products. Oh great.

At the end of all this. I was already exhausted. The only thing I seemed to be able to do was lie down and close my eyes. the experience was amazing and tiring. Then while I was getting up, somebody came and told me, "we sold 200 badges". I was too tired to even say wow.

overall, it was great, tiring yes, but there is no challenge without some exhaustion. The rivalry was tense. Woah. i think we profited at only the borderline of teacher's expectations. If I could have another fair, I'd try that again.

Tired,
Ismail(ibz_93)

Alas, its done.

Principals son...

Coo... My title just suggests it all. Let me guess by a raise of hands... who thinks its stressful?

Well, maybe. Well, he is strict but doesn't pressurize me to go to any particular school, (even if i choose to go CC Sec). Well, one of the good things is that we cold engage in conversations... usually about the ridiculous things. Sometimes its even about the school system. He thinks Tharman is making too many changes. Then, the motivation is enough. i could just bask in it... haha.

But sometimes... the bad thing... teachers have to think higher of me because I'm the principal's son. Even my father agrees. Cannot say anything lah... usually the questions first asked when each of us come back is the same... "How was school/work" Its sometimes interesting to find out what people see from that point of view...so HIGH up. It varies sometimes... from monkeys to teachers having a little bit of a problem. he also says he preferred the company in Secondary school better cause he could relate to the students. In primary schools... well, no need say lah.

And, guess what, I have accomplished one thing, my cikgu hasn't scolded me for smiling for at least a few days now which usually includes sayign that my father is a principal. So what if I'm a principal's son? Am I supposed to be cleverer? Am I supposed to behave like some ****ty gundu who criticizes everything that is not in the school system? Whatever I do in school, my father never crosses my mind. Never. (Only the motivations) Having a hole in a shoe, my father didnt scold me because of anything. What am supposed to be huh? Im am me... Me is what some teachers think as arrogant. Me is what some teachers think is a clown. Me is what determines my actions. Me. Me alone. i sometimes just dont want to care any further of what the teachers think. I cant change it... so? Just look at them... and bow. Not like as if i was particularly rude to any teacher... (except when im accused wrongly, then I get rebellious.) Can't help it. Im Me. Ismail (varrigal) Zainal. Now, sometimes i even notice, if i were not a principal's son, would they particularly care if I actually have a hole in my shoe? Tell you the truth, holeS, one on each shoe. Then there was oen part when I was discussing this with my father, he thinks I have a hormonal problem... lolx. (I'm seriously growing into a young man? thats kinda bad) I wonder, personally, what makes them think im arrogant and make them think THAT i think I can do whatever I want in school. Again, my father doesnt cross my mind in the things I do.

If Im not mistaken, it started when i accidentally swore on the mike right, yeah. Hey wait a minute, to boot, why not... I make a list of all the stuff I had done that got gossips round.

P4: I had to miss one supplementary lesson and I was just asked to give the pretext of helping my father out. Well, nobody would know the exact reason, ill keep it all to me. =P

P5: Lets see, saying WTH on the mike, had a little misfunction in our group(diggers club). Ewan thinks its HW.

P6: The best ones of them all huh, having holes in my shoe. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, I actually still wanted that shoe bu was forced to throw it away cause my father scared I use agin. (I was planning to) And then, writing a crude song on a whiteboard, Right... The lyrics were changed by some idiot who made it worse. Yet to take revenge... No, mut manage impulsivity.

You see, all this is my doing, i dont need to care if my father is a principal. Isnt it? Well, smeday I'll understand. But now, looking back, I have been stupid huh. What made me do all these things. Is it im having an alter ego. (varrigal I call him) Sometimes I tell myself, I wont dance, act or anymore stupid stuff anymore, its all silly. Then when asked to do, I don't know why. Maybe varrigal just drives me. I seriously dont know how I managed to pull off Havah Nageela. i say I wont dance that agian, but no doubt, Varrigal is somewhere.

Im the principal's son, does it matter in a school, well MC, you might think the same liek what you have been telling me, but nevermind. i dont mind. After all, Im varrigal right. Is there anything else to say now? I doubt so. But I dont mind my father being principal. I just mind the expectations of my personality and actions huh. Well, guess what, my father was as freaky as me when he was young. It runs in the genes. =D WEll teacher, whether you choose to disclose this to others, I dun mind, do I? As far as i have known, the world is against me, wait a minute, thats another teenager problem isnt it?

half-conciously
Varrigal

Wel

Principal

Plot 2.

Q5.

Boy was fishing. Friend was with him. friend dared him to flick a coin inside and retrieve it back. Jack (Boy) took the dare and was stooping on a rock when he slipped and fell. He was struggling for his life. He tried to wade back to the shore but couldnt. He was startign to get exhausted.

Friend, Harry, was panicking. Jack was still strugglign when he grabbed on to a floating log. Now he was drifting towards a waterfall. He was shouting for help. But nobody could do anything. The mother was already there and weeping. jack fell.

He fell and floated to the shore. The villagers quickly rushed down to help. harry felt helpless. jack didn;t seem to be riviving. Soon, people considered him dead. "Emotional Scene"

Plot 1a

Q3. I was spring cleaning in an attic when I discovered an antique chest around the corner of the attic . I opened it.

It seemed antique. I took a peep inside and saw several documents, handwritten letters and photographs. Not knowing what it was, I decided to look further. It seemed to be a diary of some sort, an archive. I read one of them and was puzzled about the contents. It talked about having another child, but not being able to produce one. I was puzzled, but this just made me want to find out more. I took out some of the documents, the photos showed my mother, father and sister. But where was I?

The documents showed a short filing from an adoption center. My parent's signature was on it. I saw a photo of my sister hugging me. It was then I saw a picture of my mother, whom my father said was abroad, not likely to return for a very tilong me. She left when I was four. Life had went on without her. I saw a picture of her holding me. All this.

It was then I found the most crucial article in the dusty chest. It was a little VCR. I palyed it on the VCR player in my room and my mother was there, she was speaking.

"Dear James, I know Smith was adopted, bu please treat him likr as if he were as good as Mary. Please, I beg you, bth mary and I love him, so take good care of him, I know I will be away for quite some time. "

I was adopted? I ran down to my father with the VCR trembling in my hands. Why/ Why e lied? My father's face fell. My sister also had a guilty look. My father lied, he told me my mother was so happy when I was born. I was adopteded?

Cannot take it any longer, I ran out. Went somewhere. Sad scene. Then. I walked back tomy block. My father was sitting on the ledge of the thirteenth floor. Mary was wailing. I begged my father not to. He just explained everything. ended with a sorry an jumped.

Father's loss was a torment. Mary and I had a little scene.

Plot 1a

Q3. I was spring cleaning in an attic when I discovered an antique chest around the corner of the attic . I opened it.

It seemed antique. I took a peep inside and saw several documents, handwritten letters and photographs. Not knowing what it was, I decided to look further. It seemed to be a diary of some sort, an archive. I read one of them and was puzzled about the contents. It talked about having another child, but not being able to produce one. I was puzzled, but this just made me want to find out more. I took out some of the documents, the photos showed my mother, father and sister. But where was I?

The documents showed a short filing from an adoption center. My parent's signature was on it. I saw a photo of my sister hugging me. It was then I saw a picture of my mother, whom my father said was abroad, not likely to return for a very tilong me. She left when I was four. Life had went on without her. I saw a picture of her holding me. All this.

It was then I found the most crucial article in the dusty chest. It was a little VCR. I palyed it on the VCR player in my room and my mother was there, she was speaking.

"Dear James, I know Smith was adopted, bu please treat him likr as if he were as good as Mary. Please, I beg you, bth mary and I love him, so take good care of him, I know I will be away for quite some time. "

I was adopted? I ran down to my father with the VCR trembling in my hands. Why/ Why e lied? My father's face fell. My sister also had a guilty look. My father lied, he told me my mother was so happy when I was born. I was adopteded?

Cannot take it any longer, I ran out. Went somewhere. Sad scene. Then. I walked back tomy block. My father was sitting on the ledge of the thirteenth floor. Mary was wailing. I begged my father not to. He just explained everything. ended with a sorry an jumped.

Father's loss was a torment. Mary and I had a little scene.